I had an interesting weekend - mostly because it was the first non-perfect one that E and I had together. Don't get me wrong, it was still amazing...but Saturday was tinged with expectation, apprehension and self-doubt.

Friday night was a perfect date night even though we were both exhausted. We walked over to his favorite mexican restaurant, Arcos, which I highly recommend. The outdoor seating was especially fabulous - stone walls with crosses and candles, wooden and woven furniture, with a band of four men to serenade you.
Arcos
http://www.arcosrestaurante.com/
129 S Broadway
After dinner and a couple of margaritas, we walked down to Mr. Yogato (http://www.baltimorestyle.com/index.php/style/sarah_gilbert_fox/mr._yogato_has_touched_down_in_baltimore/) for some very yogurt-tasting frozen yogurt (exponetially better now that we've changed to fruit toppings instead of sweet toppings) and got very serious about our games of Connect Four and Battleship. I am proud to say I beat E in BOTH games. Technically Connect Four ended up 4-3, bu I still won.

Saturday was the day that was sort of weird-feeling-in-my-stomach-sort-of-disconnected-in-my-head. I still adored E, but I was feeling very outside of my body type of emotion: nervous about going to this cardiac dinner where his exgirfriend would not be (she lost in their game of post-relationship chicken) but all of her friends and their coworkers would. I didn't love my outfit, I was very PMS-y, I didn't feel like smiling generally at everyone, I had a canker sore directly inside of my mouth that I was certain everyone was looking at (I swear, this is the type of sore that you get when you are really stressed - not the contagious kind...I've had them since I was really little and I never know if people will get grossed out and think I'm dirty or say, 'man I hate canker sores, they're so painful' and know that it's not a STD), and then I also had a ginormous zit on my chin that was so large it couldn't even be covered by any type of shellac and I knew when we were at the dinner, that people would be specifially looking at me and judging and measuring me up against his exgF - who I hear wasn't the nicest person, but she still intimidates the hell out of me. Add to this the boring-ness of the speeches at the dinner, the too-warm room, the fact that I had to stand because there weren't enough chairs (SO GLAD I went with sandals rather than heels) and I was altogether miserable.

The dinner itself wasn't too bad - it was held at the Living Classroom Foundation, which was neat because it's next to my office so I've walked past it dozens of times and wondered what it was like on the inside. As the sun started setting, the breeze picked up and the weather was much more pleasant. The food wasn't bad, the savingion blanc was pretty good, and the few people that I neded up interacting with were nice enough. It was a weird feeling though - dealing with these spouses that are all women who know each other through their husbands' work...how they were all slightly Stepford in their desire to fit in and be the best wife possible...this made me feel strange in a couple of ways: 1) why does having the man be the breadwinner bother me? My mom is a housewife, and she was happy to raise the kids and support my dad and make a wonderful home for all of us - not even taking into account all of her volunteer work and other obligations. Maybe it's because these women seem to get their self-worth from their man - as opposed to having their own expectations and visons. Myabe also because the women who DID have 'careers' some even in the medical field - and some as doctors, themselves - seemed relegated to the 'spouse' role regardless of their own accomplishments. And 2) I was trying very hard to fit in and not be the one calling attention to myself - even as I wore completely the wrong outfit and danced to Blues Traveler over the crab dip and discussed my pimple in the bathroom and spilled E's wine on him (luckily he was drinking a very flamboyant pink zin blush)...and the fact that I HAD been trying so hard to fit in, and of course, failed miserably...but it made me realize that I would have to have a very strong sense of self if I were to be in E's life.

We finished the night at Miss Irene's (http://www.missirenes.com/) in Fells - one of my new faves...and I was still feeling a little bijiggety and E still wasn't holding my hand or nuzzling me (we'd had to put a No Schmoopy Zone ruling on the evening because it was a work function) but now that we were out only with Geoff and Erin, I thought maybe he's go back to his normal affectionate self...but instead, the lockdown continued...making me feel unbearably lonely.

Sunday woke me with a smiliar melancholy feeling, but was righted with a long leisurely lunch at Panera - sitting outside and reading books together. We bought his dog, Abs, a new collar (leopard print, he let me pick...) and I went back to my place to cook him his first Georgia-Cooked-Dinner...because sometimes I get the feeling that he is SO wonderful that maybe I feel my wonderfulness mildly diminished...so I decide to remedy this particular sitaution with a roast chicken, baked onions, broiled sweet potatoes, sauteed fresh spinach and garlic, rice, corn on the cob and rotkohl. I worry if he'll like my style of cooking, so when he goes back fro seconds I am relieved!

All in all, a fab Friday and Sunday sandwiching a somewhat distressing Saturday.